Monday, August 22, 2011

Vintage 60's Flower Power Short Mod Dress Pleated Bottom Very Hippie Bohemian

For Sale: $50.00
    This dress is so adorable! It's not so adorable that it's not sexy though. It's super short and has a slit along the front it. This dress was hand made by someone because there is no type of tags. Back then seamstresses were really popular. If you saw an outfit in a magazine you would have someone make it for you from a pattern.

    The fabric on this piece feels amazing, it's a silk like material. It's very sturdy and thick, this dress was made really well. The detail on the neck and sleeves is very pretty, I've included a pic.

    Near Mint.

    LABEL: No label, this was custom made.

    ((((((((((Vintage Clothing Condition (from EBAY guide))))))))))))

    An item is as perfect and pristine as when it was originally made and shows no sign of wear (mint condition is rare for vintage clothing).
    Near mint:
    An item shows only the slightest signs of wear.
    An item shows typical signs of wear due to occasional use.
    Very good:
    An item is considered wearable but has some surface flaws (staining or soiling, for example).
    An item is wearable but cannot be returned to excellent condition even if repairs are made.

    MEASUREMENTS: (I measure everything laying flat)

    Length: 32 inches from back of neck to tip of hem
    Bust: 18 inches from armpit to armpit on one side
    Waist: 15 inches unstretched on one side and 6'; from the armpit
    Shoulder:14.5 inches from one shoulder seam to another
    Sleeves: 18 inches from underarm to the wrist.

    Since there is no size on this dress you have to go by these measurements.


    Every item from any time period has different “ideas” of measurement. Please pay attention to the actual measurements of the clothing as opposed to the SIZE on the label. I measure all my clothing laid out FLAT. All measurements need to be doubled, especially the hips, waist and bust.

    For example: If the Bust measurement is 15" flat then the actual bust measurement is around 30 inches.

    **Measurement Legend**

    Bust: Laying Flat from Armpit to Armpit
    Waist: Laying flat
    Hip: Laying flat taken approx. 7” from the waist
    Length: Laying flat from back collar to the hem ( pants or dresses)
    Sleeve: Measurement from shoulder to cuff
    Shoulder: Measurement from one shoulder seam to the other.

    For better accuracy measure something of your own to compare.


    My shipping cost is estimated, please contact me with your country of destination and I will give you a more accurate quote.


    Sunday, August 21, 2011

    Vintage Chamomile Flowers Tea Tin 1950's

    $9.99 plus S/H

    Great little tin, this will make a fabulous decoration in the kitchen. There are still Chamomile Flowers inside. This tin has to be at least 50 years old.

    The lid is very oxidized because of it's age but the label is in great intact condition, just a little dirty.

    LABEL: Made by Drugwell Inc in Newark, NJ This company hasn't been around for years.
    MEASUREMENT: It's 3 inches in width and 3.5 in height.


    My shipping cost is estimated, please contact me with your country of destination and I will give you a more accurate quote.


    Tuesday, August 9, 2011

    Scarves, Scarves... all about scarves!

    Now this is exciting!  I found this pamphlet at one of my picks and forgot all about it.  I just found it in the back of one of my cabinets and I have no idea how it got there.  The reason I'm so excited about this is because in my storage unit I have about 200 vintage scarves I am going to sell and I was thinking today about how to take pictures of them.  

    I was just going to lay them out and take a picture but that is boring.  Then while I was putting away the two pairs of sunglasses I just listed, I find this.  I know exactly when I bought this, it was one of the first sales I went to.   Life always works out the way it's meant to. 

    Just look at these pictures, so many ways to wear scarves!  I'm going to have so much fun trying out all these styles on my mannequin.   I will be selling my scarves for $5 to $20 dollars and I have a few authentic Channel ones I found for a great deal at the Hess Estate I went to awhile back.

    I forgot how much work it is to list auctions and sales on the Internet.  It takes me about 15 minutes just to research each item on the net to figure out a fair price to sell them for.  It's work, and I have so much more to sell.  My favorite part of this process of course is finding the stuff and my second favorite part is when I sell it.  I hate the clerical side of it but I will have to adjust because I can't afford an assistant.    I've had so many people asking me when I was going to start selling my items and I always said soon, soon.  The truth is I was dreading this part of it but it's all like riding a bike.  Once you start, you get used to it and it's not so annoying anymore. 

    At first I felt maybe I was scared to do it because what if I fail and nobody buys it?  After the past few years I had there is nothing I'm scared of anymore.  eh.. if I don't sell it I will keep it and wear all the stuff I have.  I"m not scared of failing, I'm scared of not trying at all.  

    Sunday, May 8, 2011

    Who was Dee Dee Torrell?

    I walked into this house in Chatham and  had no idea that so many things I would buy in there,  would send me on path to something I never would of done on my own.

    As soon as I walked in I said my Good Mornings and ran right up the stairs to the bedrooms.  First room I found a old perfume bottle and the next one was just men's clothes.  Usually, when you only see men's clothes it means that a man was the last person to live there.   That's what estate sales are, clean ups.  Someone passes away or is transitioned into a nursery home and the families need the house cleaned out so the realtor could sell it.

    So far I wasn't impressed, there was no women's clothes and that's what I'm looking for.   Then I walked into the 3rd bedroom and that's when it got interesting for me.  There were books everywhere on everything from Astrology, Dream Interpretation, Metaphysical and spirituality books.  Someone I would of liked lived in this house.   I went through the whole house and came to her porch room.  There is where I found out all  about Dee Dee Torrell, the PHD.  I saw one of her business cards and it said she was a Metaphysisist and a therapist.  She also believed in magic and had all these talisman's hanging everywhere.  She seemed to believe in a little bit of everything.  I liked that.

    I looked around this room and came across these two binders in the corner.  When I opened them it was full of her notes and  study material to learn the teachings of Paramahansa Yoganada.  Anyone who has read Autobiography of a Yogi will know who this is.  I had a house guest a long time ago who told me to read this book and here it is again to remind me that I need to do just that.  This Yogi started this fellowship study program based out of California and she was studying the Self Realization Fellowship so she too can become a Yogi.  I can tell these lessons were mailed to her because it was before the age of computer.  I know she had to pay a pretty penny for all of this and here I was lucky enough to come across it and learn it for free.  It's almost as if they found me...

    So I started my first lesson today and this story at the end of the lesson is this:

    Once a big fat frog and a lively little frog were hopping along together when they had the misfortune of jumping into a pail of fresh milk. They swam for hours and hours hoping to get out somehow; but the sides of the pail were steep and slippery and death seemed to be certain. 

    When the big frog was exhausted he lost courage. There seemed no hope of rescue. “Why keep struggling against the inevitable? I cannot swim any longer.” He moaned. “Keep on! Keep on!” urged the little frog, who was still circling the pail. So they went on for a while. But the big frog decided it was no use. “Little brother, We may as well give up” he gasped. “I am going to quit struggling.”

    Now only the little frog was left. He thought to himself. “Well, to give up is to be dead, so I will keep swimming.” Two more hours passed and the tiny legs of the determined little frog were almost paralysed with exhaustion. It seemed as if he could not keep moving for another minute. But he thought of his dead friend, and repeated, “To give up is to be meat for someone’s table, so I’ll keep paddling on until I die – if death is to come – but I will not cease trying – while there is life, there is hope.”

    Intoxicated with determination, the little frog kept on swimming around and around the pail, chopping the milk into white waves. After a while, just as he felt completely numb and thought he was about to drown, he suddenly felt something solid under him. To his astonishment, he saw that he was resting on a lump of butter which he had churned by constant paddling! And so the successful little frog leaped out of the milk pail to freedom."

    It was a great lesson on not giving up and knowing that we always have the power of will.  Will Power governs the universe...It is freedom that excels evolution.  Just one lesson and I am completely in love with these binders.  I give myself time alone when I do read this because I want to take in every single word.  So much wisdom for me to swallow and I want to make sure I understand every piece.

    So thank you Dee Dee Torrell!  I googled her and found her website but it's been down.  Sad to say she may of passed away too because it was a man who last lived there and they were selling her jewelry.  That's usually a sign the person passed away.  That's too bad because  I would of loved to meet her and have her be my teacher.  For now I have her notes...

    This link is the only info I found on her and I have already ordered the book she wrote on Amazon.

    Friday, April 22, 2011

    The Scorpio Man as per Linda Goodman

    Time for a little astrology post about Scorpios because that's all I seem to be hearing about lately.... 

    And her eyes immediately met those
    of a large, blue caterpillar
    that was sitting on the top with its arms folded, quietly
    smoking a long hookah . . .
    The caterpillar and Alice
    looked at each other in silence,

    If you're in love with a Scorpio male and the word passion frightens you, put on your track shoes and run as if King Kong were pursuing you. He is.

    I'm not speaking of romantic passion alone, though that may be at the head of the list. I also refer to pas­sionate intensity about politics, work, friendship, religion, food, relatives, children, clothing, life, death and any other categories you can think up. A Scorpio man is not exactly what your psyche needs if you're repelled by emotional excess. Don't look back. Just run.
    You'll think I've taken leave of my senses if you've just met that particular Pluto person. He's so calm and steady. How could anyone with such obvious self-control be passionate, let alone dangerously so? How indeed. Be­cause he's only bluffing with the surface cool. Inside, his passions are as red hot as that stove you burned your hand on when you were three or four years old and getting into things out of your reach. This man may also be out of reach. He's sizzling underneath his deceptively controlled manner. Don't touch. You know perfectly well how long it takes for bums to heal. Remember? Your hand was stinging for weeks after that episode with the stove when you were in your Buster Browns. After this experience, your heart will burn for months, maybe years, and first aid kits will do little good. Grandma's favorite saying, "An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure," applies to both stove burns and Scorpio singes, so play it safe. Make sure you know where you're going and with whom.

    If your Sun sign gives you an asbestos, fireproof nature, go ahead and play with explosives. You may be able to keep the flames under control and have yourself a powerful fire to warm your heart for a lifetime. Perhaps you're pas­sionate about things yourself. Fine. Then it's simply a mat­ter of degree of heat. If your passion has an automatic thermostat, so it can be turned down to cool when his reads hot, you're safe. Let's pretend you are. The girls who are in danger should be in the next state by now, if they ran fast enough. They'll thank me someday after they've married a nice, safe Libran or Cancerian.

    As for you women who have analyzed yourselves as safe in a Pluto relationship, let's see if we can find what's hidden behind those hypnotic, piercing Scorpio eyes. It's pretty certain he hasn't made a neutral impression on you. He's either got you thinking he's boyish and sweet, or that he's wicked and passionate. (There goes that word again.) The trouble is, he's neither. Or maybe I should say he's both. Well, this isn't getting us anywhere. Let's start all over again.

    In a word, this man is invincible. Just behind his frosty reserve is a huge pot of boiling steam that bubbles and seethes continually. If you're lucky, he'll keep the lid on. tight for a lifetime, but a deep injury can blow it right off with a brilliant explosion. It's kind of fascinating to watch. if you're not in its direct line of destruction. Step aside, if you feel it coming. And don't do anything to cause it yourself.

    Hell bewilder you with his twin Scorpio traits of passion and reason. He's master of both: intellect and emotions rule him equally. Scorpio is more than intelligent. If he's a highly evolved specimen, he's also deeply philosophical, concerned with mysteries of existence, and he'll come close to knowing the answers.

    There are Scorpios who can live a spartan existence in a bare room, denying themselves every comfort for some obscure, aesthetic reason, but the true nature of the sign is sensual. Normally, Scorpio will surround himself with luxury. He'll lean toward excesses in food, drugs, drink, and yes-in love. Most assuredly in love. He's geared for it, with confidence. Romance will never frighten him, puz­zle him, or catch him unaware. It's been on his mind ever since he rode his first bicycle. Maybe even his first tricycle. Of course, you could conceivably know a Scorpio who is so absolutely innocent-looking, with such disarming, youthful charm and lack of obvious seductive mannerisms, he's convinced you that passion is over-rated in Pluto males. He may even have freckles, and a whole drawer full of Boy Scout merit badges. But ask his wife. Try some­thing like, "Say, Bertha-or Rosalie-or Sheila-or what­ever-is your husband, well, is he passionate?" She might summon enough dignity to tell you it's none of your busi­ness, but your answer will most likely be hysterical laugh­ter. Between her peals of mirth, she'll be remembering many days of his intense, passionate declarations about air pollution, housebreaking the dog, narcotics, long hair, birth control, and many nights of ... well, and many nights. This will be true even if her husband looks like Huckle­berry Finn, and doesn't even remotely resemble King Kong.

    These men have an explosive temper that can strike a life-time wound. When the Scorpio lashes his deadly tail, the sting bites hard. He not only enjoys winning, he has to win. Something inside him dies when he loses, even in small ways; yet oddly enough, a Pluto man normally prac­tices good sportsmanship. Like all his other emotions, dis­appointment never shows on those set features, and his reactions are rigidly controlled, including his romantic in­tentions. If there's a good reason to avoid the relationship, hell bum inside while he's projecting a glacial calm out­wardly. He's also capable of torturing a girl cruelly before he finally decides to grab her by the hair and drag her off to his jungle of honeysuckle vines. Naturally, there are some November fellows who will gently propose on bended knee. They'll behave very properly, with or without a chaperone, but don't be deceived. It's merely the Scorpio desire to keep dignity at all cost. Your reputation must be spotless. He won't stand for ridicule or cheapness, for all his erotic nature.

    Pluto people can have either a Sunday School teacher horror of sin, an attitude which produces intensely dedi­cated evangelistic religious leaders, like Billy Graham, or they can be driven by curiosity to penetrate every dark corner of the human mystery. Sometimes, both attitudes are combined, resulting in the hypocrisy or self-delusion of an Elmer Gantry or a Reverend Davidson in Rain.

    Every Scorpio is a law unto himself, and completely un­concerned with what others think of him. He would like to be respected as a good, solid citizen, but if it interferes with any of his intense ideas or goals, then he couldn't care less, and those who gossip can just go to the place Pluto rules. None of his important decisions are hampered by the opinions of his friends, relatives, neighbors or enemies. I'm sorry to say, not even by you. Don't run away yet. Such beautiful self-containment and sureness of purpose can create a mighty attractive, free spirit who's not always fussing about what people think. Are honesty and courage and integrity such bad bargains? They may have lost a little of their sparkle in today's marketplace, but rub off the dust they've collected, and you can still get them appraised as genuine.

    It's quite an experience to see the Scorpio man operate under adversity's black clouds. While others are mumbling and crumbling and grumbling, he is at his forceful, cou­rageous best. He seldom wallows in envy or self-pity, and he doesn't happen to think that life owes him a single farthing. You can just imagine how much time that saves. Instead of pouting in hurt anger when real troubles hit, he meets them head on. Conquer them? But of course.
    That's what he was born to do.

    One thing is a little frightening, and may require courage on your part. Scorpio loves mystery and there's not a single one that crosses his path he won't solve in detail. Since the eternal feminine mystery is any girl's most potent defense and offense, being stripped naked of your mystery can leave you feeling a little exposed. You'll scarcely have a secret left when he starts probing with those burning eyes and piercing questions.

    He has high standards, and he won't choose his friends loosely. They'll have to measure up. This is a marvelous, rare kind of man who can share a jug of spirits and joke with rough humor among other men like a bawdy Eliza­bethan; then tap that deep, inscrutable nature and turn into as gentle and tender a lover as Robert Browning. If there's anything more to ask for in a male animal, I don't know what it might be. Submissiveness and forgiveness? Detachment and caution? That's not fair. You knew he was short on those qualities back in the beginning.

    Marriage gives you a certain security, but if he pulls some of his Pluto tricks before the knot is tied, it may hurt, and you'll fail to get the humor. Still, don't even think about telling him that his harsh, self-sufficient who-needs-you? game makes you feel like jumping off a bridge. The Scorpio man will just tell you to go ahead and jump. It may take a while to adjust to his personality, but it will eventually toughen you up. If you're too soft, you'll bruise easily with a Scorpio. Never ask him what he thinks of a new dress or hair-do, unless you're prepared to be stung by the brutal truth. At least you'll know his positive state­ments are honest, and not pasted together with the sticky glue of bored, insincere flattery. It's better to brave a good, healthy "You look awful," now and then, and be rewarded by an occasional "You're really beautiful, you know," than to swallow a constant diet of vague remarks like: "Yes, dear, it's lovely, sugar. Mmmmm-just fine, pigeon," from other men. Don't you think so? I do. But then, you're the one who has to live with it.

    When it comes to jealousy, you'd better tread very, very carefully. He could bum and erupt like Mount Vesuvius in its heyday if you should accidentally wink near a man when a cinder gets in your eye, and if you ever give him a real reason to be suspicious, you're a very brave woman. But you'd better pack away your own jealous streak in the trunk, and then lock it. It will make no impression at all to drench him in angry tears or reproachful recriminations. No matter how he behaves, just say to yourself, "He loves me, and he will never discard real love for physical promiscuity. He's loyal to his deep ties, and he's only practicing his hypnotic art with those girls." Say it once before each meal, in the morning and at bedtime. Especially at bedtime. Women will find him irresistibly attractive, but keep remembering that if anyone is strong enough to resist such continual flattery and temptation, it's a Scorpio. Doesn't that make you feel better? It should. It's true.

    He'll probably be a stern father. The children won't get away with an ounce of lazy or frivolous behavior. Hell teach them to respect property, but he'll also teach them to respect themselves. Youngsters will seldom get the chance to form any false values around a Scorpio papa. Although he'll love them with as much sincere passion as he puts into everything else he cares about, he won't Stand for any nonsense. He'll protect them when they need it, but they'll soon get the message that he expects them to stand alone. If they borrow money from him, he's liable to charge them interest on it, but it's for their own good. They may not realize that until he's gone some-day, but the lesson will eventually come home to them. Lots of children of Scorpio fathers resent his high-handed authority and tight discipline throughout childhood, and especially during the rebellious years, but as adults, they realize how lucky they were to have his firm guidance. From no other father can children learn so much truth about the way life really is. Often his offspring will find him gentle and funny; still there won't be any question about who is boss. He'll joke and laugh with them, and give them a sense of freedom, but the chalk line will be drawn, and they'll know not to cross it. Even as they resent his attitude of command, the children will secretly admire his strength and try to imitate it, but occasionally it works the other way. A gentle child may feel bullied and cowed by Scorpio power, and retreat into neurotic intro­version, fearing to risk his displeasure. Then you'll have to remind him that affection and tenderness sometimes get more results than his normal, unbending, autocratic manner. Just be sure you remind him tactfully and respectfully. A Scorpio man will never allow a woman to dictate to him. Never in a million years. He is the man and you are the woman, and if you have any doubts about it, you will be set straight so surely that you'll never need but one lesson. Yet, a Scorpio husband with a wife who truly understands him, will be tender, sympathetic, considerate, and repay her loyalty with the kind of love most women only read about and wish for.

    It won't help much to try to resist this man, once the flame has been stirred and he's decided he wants you. Hell hypnotize you right out of all your good intentions. The magnetism of Scorpio men is almost tangible. You feel you can reach out and touch it. When you do, you may get a surprise. It will bum you only if you're over-sensitive and scorchable. If you're patient and strong, it will be like touching cool marble. Girls are out of their league with him. It takes a brave woman to fly with the eagle and not crash. He can soar higher than his symbolic bright star Antares in the constellation of Scorpio, then dip down suddenly to earthy expression. Hang on tightly, but keep your eyes open wide, and you'll see horizons with him the timid will never see. Look over there, just beyond the tall fir trees-did you ever in your whole life experience such a sunrise? Sunset will be just as grand.

    Sunday, March 27, 2011

    Now this was a house of a person with a flower fetish

    She must of spent a fortune on plastic was cheerful being in there so many flowers but total overkill
    There were plastic flowers everywhere.....

    It was a different theme in every room

    Love the ceramic boots...

    Friday, March 25, 2011

    The house that was Full of Love

    Today was a good day because it was another day that I got to connect with someone. I headed out early to an estate sale in Kenilworth and I have never walked into a house like this one. Some of the homes you walk into feel empty, sad and full of someone's forgotten memories. I shiver sometimes when I walk into some of these "sad" houses and one time even broke down in tears in someone's cold abandoned bathroom.

    This house was different because it was so warm, welcoming and felt so safe to me. I was in a bedroom that reminded me of my old babysitter;s bedroom and the memories flooded in. Not good memories because she was mean to me and hindered my development as a child because of her meanness. This lookalike room wasn't Senhora Arlandas room, this room felt warm and you just wanted to sit there all day watching Oprah. I sat there for a awhile on the bed and wished I had grown up in a house like this. I just knew and felt that the people who lived there were happy people.

    I was in the kitchen when I overheard the owner was there and I just had to find her to tell her I loved her house. As outdated as it was I wanted it, I wanted to move in and live there forever. She was a little old lady, very well put together and her kind welcoming energy drew me straight to her. I told her what I felt and she said "It was a very happy home, a very happy home and I'm going to miss it so much". Her husband of 60 years just passed away and she couldn't live in that big house by herself so she was selling off the contents to move to Connecticut to live with her daughter. She didn't want to go, I could tell. I almost wanted to tell her, "I'll stay here with you".

    She talked to me for a bit and she was so sad about losing the love of her life. How she didn't break into tears I don't know but the pain was all in her voice. I told her she's a very strong person to stay here and watch all these people walk in and out of her house, it would kill me. She responded, "I'm not that strong, really". I hugged her and told her she was and wished her the best.

    I love these moments.

    Saturday, March 19, 2011

    My Favorite find of the day

    Why I love this piece of dirty Samsonite luggage? The Cunard Liverpool sticker. Why? Because it could of sailed across on the Queen Mary. I love history and this luggage is a piece of it. The house was falling apart, it hard to think how anyone even lived in there. People really neglect the elderly and sometimes it makes me sad that their kids are so quick to sell whatever they can and not be ashamed that their parents were living in squaler. It was a nice house....maybe 50 years ago.

    The sconces are from the 30s so just imagine how old this house was. We couldn't even go up to the 2nd floor because the stairs were broken and there was sever water damage. I really do hope nobody was living there.

    Inside the luggage I stuffed a bunch of barbie doll clothes from the 60's or 70's. Pretty amazing styles and better than any Barbie clothes you see out in the stores now. Can't wait to put these on sale.

    Oh yeah, that's right, I hate listing!!! I need to work on that, I'm turning into a collector and not a seller!

    Sunday, March 13, 2011

    Ralph Lauren, it's a mystery

    If anyone knows anything about his Ralph Lauren vintage bag, please let me know.  Can't find any info on this..  I can't put it on sale because I don't know how much it's worth.  When I saw it I loved it and found it so different and unique.  Until I know more about it I'm going to rock it...

    Friday, March 11, 2011

    Too many minimized screens

    My friend Steve recently told me that there is too much going on in his life and that there are too many screens open on his computer screen.  I totally felt him on that because that is what happened to me these past two years.  Astrology, Real Estate, my Dad's cancer scare, my losing my job, having my heart completely broken and dealing with my anxiety issues.  Too much isn't enough of a word.   

    I dropped out of both my Astrology class and my Real Estate class because I was going through some serious health issues that made it very uncomfortable for me to sit in a class for 2 or 3 hours.  I will return to these two one day and I will complete them but for now it's all about getting my vintage online store off the ground.  I have a room of over 300 items that I need to post.  It's more fun to buy than to list but that way of thinking has got to go because all I see is money going out and none coming in.  I have quite the collection, and I feel once I list I can make my money back.

    Today I went to a sale in Morristown and made out like a motherfucking bandit!  This lady had beautiful clothes, I bought over 30 pieces.  It's time to list this shit!  I've found my passion in life and as with everything in it's beginning stages I must do the grudge work.  You can't see the rainbow with walking through the rain.  Dramatic of me, I know.  That's how it feels to list stuff on Etsy and Ebay lol   Enough whining and more gusto.  Even as I write this I am interrupted by a friend texting me about how she's a mess and I'm telling her she isn't and building her up.   (Puts mirror in front of me)  I'm grabbing control of my life starting now.  First comes vintage store, then real estate license then my Astrology that I love so much.

    The only screen I have up right now is my Etsy store and that's what I'm throwing myself into.   *holds nose and dives*

    Thursday, February 10, 2011

    Patience via Virgo Lauren Bacall

    “Patience,” Bacall wrote in her memoir, By Myself (1978), “was not my strong point.”
    “There have always been rumors about me: Oh, she’s very difficult. Be careful of her. People who don’t know me—even some people who do know me—know that I say what I think. Very few people want to hear the truth. Bogie was like that, my mother was like that, and I’m like that. I believe in the truth, and I believe in saying what you think. Why not? Do you have to go around whispering all the time or playing a game with people? I just don’t believe in that. So I’m not the most adored person on the face of the earth. You have to know this. There are a lot of people who don’t like me at all, I’m very sure of that. But I wasn’t put on earth to be liked. I have my own reasons for being and my own sense of what is important and what isn’t, and I’m not going to change that.”